Cheat sheet

A quick-reference list of habits for body language, voice, conversation and touch. Read it before going out, and practise one or two points at a time until they become automatic.

Body language

Lean back, not forward. Take up a little more space than feels natural.
Keep your head up, and move and gesture a bit slower than usual.
Walk and stand with a dominant, relaxed posture.
Let her turn her body toward you rather than squaring up to her.
Be deliberate about your body language until it becomes unconscious.
When hugging, rub her back lightly rather than patting it.

Eye contact

Let the other person break eye contact first.
Don't stare. Hold contact for a natural length of time.
Soften your gaze so you see both eyes without fixing on one. (Flicking between eyes can come across as nervous.)
Keep your eyes relaxed, or very slightly narrowed.
Smile with your whole face, like you've just spotted an old friend.

Voice

Speak louder than you think you need to.
Finish sentences strongly instead of trailing off.
Watch your inflection: don't let statements sound like questions.
Breathe from your belly. Fill the bottom of your lungs first.
Pause, relax and slow down.

Conversation

Make statements instead of asking questions. Educated guesses are more engaging than interviews.
Say things in as few words as you can without losing the meaning.
Women respond to your intent and how you carry yourself more than to your exact words or features.
Don't one-up people. Wait your turn.
Don't laugh at things you don't find funny.
Good topics: family, occupation, recreation and dreams.
Avoid early on: religion, abortion, politics and economics.
Have real preferences. They give you an identity.

Mindset

Stop seeking approval. Keeping your approval is keeping your power.
Know your values and boundaries, for example honesty, curiosity and authenticity.
Don't put her beauty on a pedestal (see Pedestal).
Don't get attached to getting a particular reaction from anyone.
Confidence comes after acting with courage, not before.
Men have approach anxiety; women often have last-minute nerves before getting intimate. Both are normal.

Touch escalation

Build up gradually, checking she's comfortable at each step:

Eye contact
Conversation
Hand to arm
Hand to shoulder
Shoulder to hip
Hip to leg
Face to face
Kiss

See How to Touch a Women.