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Approaching To Getting HER Number

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A step-by-step guide to the most common situation: you see someone you find attractive, freeze, and kick yourself afterwards. It covers the mindset, the opener, the conversation and asking for her number.

Mindset

Overthinking is what stops most men ("What do I say? What if she has a boyfriend? What if people laugh?"). Replace all of it with one thought:

"I'm just going to tell her she's attractive and say hi. No big deal."

Why that works:

  • The author approached thousands of women this way. The worst response was a polite "not interested".
  • Women put real effort into their appearance; a sincere compliment on it is rarely unwelcome.
  • Plenty of women would like to be approached. Approaching isn't doing anything wrong.

The opener

A direct opener tells her straight away why you're there. Keep it simple and honest. In your own words, something like:

  • "Hi, sorry to interrupt. I'm not selling anything, I just saw you and had to say you look great. I'm [name]."
  • "Hey, I'd kick myself if I walked past without saying hi. You've got a great style."

Small talk about the weather feels fake to someone who knows why you came over.

If you're very shy, ease in with a quick question (directions to a café, say), then switch: "Honestly, I didn't really need directions. I just wanted an excuse to say hi."

Don't ask for her number immediately. She needs to get to know you a little first.

The conversation

The point of talking is to find out whether you actually like her, and to let her get to know you.

Find out about five interesting things about her. What she's doing nearby, what she does for fun, work or study (and why), her ideal weekend. Ask about what you're genuinely curious about.

Pick one thread and follow it. Each answer gives you several topics. If she says she's meeting a friend at a café, you can:

  • Tease: "Is your friend as fun as you? I doubt it."
  • Check if she's single, playfully: "Friend, or boyfriend? Say friend."
  • Talk about the place: "Have you been before? Get the [dish], it's the best thing there."

Share a little about yourself. Conversation goes both ways. If she mentions a film, say what you thought of it or what you usually watch, then ask her something back.

Nervous? Say so with a smile: "I don't normally do this." Honesty is disarming.

Getting the number

After roughly 5–10 minutes, once you know a bit about each other, wrap up:

  • "I've enjoyed this. I'd like to see you again. Put your number in and we'll grab a coffee."

Hand her your phone, already on the keypad, as you say it.

Length isn't what matters; the quality of the connection is. A half-hour chat can still go nowhere.

Rejection is normal

  • She might be taken, not interested, busy or not into your type. There are endless reasons, and most aren't about you.
  • One number from ten conversations is a decent result.
  • Go in curious, aiming for a nice chat, not with "getting a number" as the goal. If you like her, ask; if not, leave on a good note.

See also

Summary of an article on direct approaching shared online around 2014.

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