Be the Owner not the Dog
"Be the owner, not the dog" is a metaphor, from a reader comment on the Heartiste blog, for who leads in a relationship.
The metaphor
A well-trained dog keeps glancing at its owner's face to check whether the owner is pleased. Dog and owner are both content because roles are clear: the owner leads and the dog follows. Dogs whose owners never set boundaries, treating them like stuffed toys, tend to be the anxious, badly behaved ones.
The comment argues that relationships work the same way. The partner who constantly checks the other's mood and tries to please is in the follower role. In the commenter's view, a relationship works best when the man leads and stays steady, and the woman is the one attuned to his approval. When the roles reverse, with the man anxiously seeking her approval, she loses attraction and gets confused.
The point
- Don't be the one constantly checking her face for approval.
- Lead, set boundaries, and be calm and consistent.
- Clear roles make both people more at ease.
The blog's author called it one of the most compact summaries of his whole outlook.
See also
Summary of a reader comment featured on the Heartiste blog (October 2014).