6 Ways to Becoming a Well-Developed

Six principles for becoming a well-developed, attractive man, from a Singapore dating coach. They're as much about character as about dating.

1. Control your emotions

Anyone who can upset you has power over you. Don't hand that power to people unless you choose to.

Example: a beautiful woman at a bar surrounded by friends. Most men freeze for fear of public rejection and mocking laughter, which gives the onlookers power to stop you doing what you want. Instead, walk up calmly and say hi. If people snigger, stay completely unaffected. The laughing usually stops, because emotional steadiness is impressive, and people give up when they get no reaction.

2. Express your true self

Don't hide who you are for fear of being judged. Honest self-expression makes you memorable and human, and draws emotion out of others. Be "John, the confident guy who cross-country skis, loves cats and is building a start-up", not just "the confident guy".

3. Never compromise your standards and values

Meeting someone who seems "out of your league" tempts you to bend your rules to please her, and it's a slippery slope. You have value; look for someone who does too. Be selective with friends and partners alike, and stop trying to prove yourself to everyone.

4. Show interest, not infatuation

Making your romantic intent clear is good. It keeps you out of the friend zone. Infatuation isn't: hounding her for dates, double-texting after no reply, being endlessly available. Movies make begging look romantic; in real life it reads as desperation. When unsure, ask: "What would I do if I were a film star everyone loved?" and do that.

5. Build your life

Stop thinking about women all the time. Pursue your passions and goals; get fit; fix your wardrobe (take a stylish friend shopping if needed); get your work or studies on track. When your life is in order, the question becomes what you want in a woman. You become the one choosing.

6. Don't fixate on one woman

Don't latch onto everyone who shows a flicker of interest, and don't depend on one prospect. Date openly and honestly. The ultimate goal is confidence that doesn't depend on having options at all: being able to focus on one person without being emotionally dependent on her.

A closing caution

Being a good person matters most. Hold high standards without becoming a snob; focus on yourself without neglecting family and friends; and when you find someone you truly love, no rule should hold you back. Use moderation and judgement.