6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic

Mark Manson's companion to 6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal: six things that don't fit the fairy-tale idea of love, but that he argues lasting relationships actually need. Holding hands at sunsets should come naturally. These are the harder parts.

1. Letting some conflicts go unresolved

Relationship researcher John Gottman, known for predicting divorce with striking accuracy from short recorded conversations, found that most happy long-term couples have ongoing disagreements they never resolve, sometimes for decades. Couples who insisted on resolving everything often fell apart. You don't need to change someone to love them. Some battles aren't worth fighting; "live and let live" is often the best strategy.

2. Being willing to hurt each other's feelings

Manson tells his partner honestly when an outfit doesn't work, and she calls him out when he's wrong. It stings, and it makes both of them better. If your top priority is making each other feel good all the time, nobody ends up feeling good. Values, needs and trust come first; the good feelings follow. Both of you must be able to say hard things ("I need more time alone", "You've seemed distant") without blame, and hear them without blame.

3. Being willing to end it

Culture glorifies romantic sacrifice: staying no matter what, as if any breakup that isn't death is a failure. That mindset keeps people in abusive or neglectful relationships and erases accountability. If your partner has to stay no matter what, neither of you has a reason to grow. Sometimes the healthiest outcome is ending things before they do more damage.

4. Feeling attraction to other people

After the honeymoon phase, novelty fades, and noticing other attractive people is biologically normal. What you commit to is your actions, not your thoughts. Suppressing these feelings gives them power: guilt, projected jealousy, or giving in. Accepting them and letting them pass is healthier. Manson says meeting attractive women reminds him why he chose his partner: attractiveness is common, real intimacy isn't.

5. Spending time apart

We all know someone who vanished into a relationship and dropped their friends and hobbies. If you reshape yourself around your partner, you stop being the person they fell for. Keep your own friends, interests and the occasional solo trip. Space keeps the spark alive.

6. Accepting your partner's flaws

Everyone has flaws; you can't force anyone to change; so choose someone whose flaws you can live with, or even love. Milan Kundera described two kinds of womanisers: those searching for a perfect woman they never find, and those convinced every woman is already perfect. Both avoid the truth. Plato's myth of humans split in half captures the idea that we're made whole by two imperfections that complement each other. Perfections may attract people; imperfections decide whether they stay together.