Fuck Yes or No

Mark Manson's Law of "Fuck Yes or No": only get involved with someone if you're both enthusiastic about it. If it isn't a clear yes from both of you, treat it as a no.

The grey area

Most dating stress lives in the grey area: mixed signals, lukewarm interest, one person keener than the other. "She says she's not interested but still flirts with me." "He's great when he's around, but he's hardly around." Much dating advice tries to solve that grey area with scripts, rules and analysis. Manson's point: if you're in the grey area, you've already lost. Why try to convince someone to be with you who isn't excited to be with you?

The law

Adapted from entrepreneur Derek Sivers' rule "if it's not a 'hell yeah', it's a no":

You must be genuinely excited about the other person to go ahead.
They must be genuinely excited about you too.

What it gives you

No more being strung along by people who aren't that into you.
No more settling for people you're lukewarm about just because nothing better is around.
Clear consent. If someone's hesitant, pushing them is off the table. Manson's line: "If you have to ask, that's your answer." If she keeps stopping things, it's a no. Ask what's making her uncomfortable and what she wants; that alone often helps.
Stronger boundaries, which make you more confident and attractive.
You always know where you stand.

It works at different levels: you might be a "yes" to friendship but lukewarm on romance, or the other way round.

Only two problems remain

You never feel a "yes" for anyone. Either you're meeting the wrong people, or you're protecting yourself by staying indifferent. Finding something great in people is your job.
Nobody feels a "yes" for you. Then the work is on you: become someone people get excited about.

The bottom line: the only real dating advice is self-improvement. You can sometimes talk someone into things, but you lose the long game of happiness.

The grey area

The law

What it gives you

Only two problems remain

See also