6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal

Mark Manson's list of six common relationship habits that many couples see as normal, or even romantic, but that quietly erode trust and intimacy. Nobody teaches us how to do relationships well, and many bad habits are built into the culture.

1. The relationship scorecard

What it is: bringing up past mistakes to win current arguments. Over time it turns into a running tally of who has messed up more. Why it's toxic: it uses old guilt to dodge today's issue, and both people end up trying to be less wrong instead of more right for each other. Instead: deal with each issue on its own unless it's genuinely part of a pattern (like repeated cheating). Choosing someone means accepting their past. If something bothered you, deal with it then.

2. Hints and passive aggression

What it is: hinting instead of saying what you want, or doing petty things to provoke a fight. Why it's toxic: it shows you don't feel safe speaking openly. Instead: say what you feel and want, plainly, while making clear they're not obliged, though you'd love their support.

3. Holding the relationship hostage

What it is: turning a complaint into a threat. Not "I feel you've been distant", but "I can't be with someone who's this cold." Why it's toxic: it's emotional blackmail. Every hiccup becomes a crisis, so people start hiding their real feelings. Instead: remember that being committed to someone and liking everything about them aren't the same. You can be annoyed and still devoted.

4. Blaming your partner for your feelings

What it is: expecting your partner to sense your bad mood and drop their plans to fix it, then resenting them when they don't. Why it's toxic: it breeds codependence and resentment. Everything must be negotiated around one person's mood. Instead: own your emotions. Supporting each other is a choice, not an obligation.

5. "Loving" jealousy

What it is: getting angry when your partner talks to someone attractive, checking their phone, controlling who they see. Why it's toxic: it's controlling, it creates drama, and it says "I don't trust you." Instead: trust your partner. A little jealousy is natural; excessive jealousy reflects your own insecurity, and it pushes people away.

6. Buying your way out of problems

What it is: covering every conflict with a gift, a dinner or a trip. Manson says this was the main problem in his parents' marriage, which ended in divorce. Why it's toxic: the real issue never gets solved, and it sets up a bad pattern: one partner feels like a cash machine, the other feels unheard. Instead: talk about the actual problem. Treats after making up are fine, but never as a substitute.