Survival Guide For Online Dating

A message routine for getting from first message to date quickly, from someone who spent a year testing approaches on dating sites. His key lesson came first: be yourself.

Be congruent

Early on he got first dates but never second ones. When he asked one woman why, she said he was nothing like his profile. Copying lines word for word only gets you so far; your real personality comes out in person. Adapt any routine to how you actually talk.

The three-message routine

He reported about 7 in 10 conversations moving forward with this, adapted from the "Apocalypse Opener".

Message 1: a fun, random question. Something like "Serious question, and you can only pick one: [three silly options]?" It's light, easy to answer, and gets her playing. He'd sneak in options with a hidden "meaning", borrowed from the Kokology Games, to gauge her personality. Avoid anything crude.

Message 2: react and tease.

If she picks one, tease her choice or make her justify it, and hint that it "means something" without explaining. Then try another imagination game or cold read.
If she dodges the question, tease her or ignore it and move on.

Message 3: the bold invite. Compliment something specific (even something quirky) and make a playful, upfront invitation. Her response tells you where you stand:

Yes: don't seem too eager. Pull back slightly and enjoy the banter.
An excuse: keep it light and playful. You're still in.
No, but still talking: ignore it, change the subject, and carry on. There's still interest.
No reply: move on.

Swapping numbers

His experience: asking for her number online often felt needy. Instead he'd give his number and ask her to text a photo so he'd know who it was. It takes the pressure off her, shows you're busy, and if she's interested, she'll text.

Leave while it's going well. When her replies get longer and faster, that's your cue to wrap up and leave her wanting more.

Site-by-site notes (2010s)

OkCupid: instant messaging got good responses. The audience leaned toward relationships and educated users, so less overtly sexual, more wit.
Plenty of Fish: messaging over IM; more open to flirtation, using innuendo rather than anything explicit; the "Meet Me", favourites and profile-view notifications were good leads.
Always make sure you're talking to adults.

Example

The original included a full chat log showing the routine: a silly choice question, a beach "imagination game", a playful invitation, an inside joke about a ridiculous adventure, and finally his number with "send a pic so I know it's you". She texted within minutes. The point was the playful, confident tone and him leading the plans throughout.

Be congruent

The three-message routine

Swapping numbers

Site-by-site notes (2010s)

Example

See also