Online Dating

A practical guide to getting dates from dating sites and apps. In short: great photos, high volume, and a profile that comes across as cool, fun and attractive. Written in the era of Plenty of Fish and OkCupid, but the principles carry over to today's apps.

The two biggest factors

Your photos. Online dating is window shopping. However good your personality, it won't matter if your photos don't catch her eye.
Volume. Most messages go nowhere: inactive or fake profiles, filters, a thumbnail she skipped, a profile that didn't click, or someone who only wants attention. That's normal. A hundred messages total won't cut it; you need steady, consistent effort.

Together these account for most of your results. Many men online are clueless, so getting these two right puts you ahead of the pack.

Reply rate isn't everything

A low reply rate can be fine if you're messaging women you're genuinely excited about and your profile filters out poor matches.
A high reply rate can be meaningless if it comes from gimmicky jokes and pick-up lines. You end up as the funny guy or a texting buddy.
Humour is good, but come across as a confident, attractive man who happens to be funny, not a clown. Keep it playful and flirty.

Which sites

Use the biggest platforms in your area (in 2014 that meant Plenty of Fish, OkCupid and the then-new Tinder). Big user bases let you play the numbers, and a mix of casual and serious users gives you the most experience. Running two at once doubles your reach.

Use your phone

Install the apps so you can reply quickly. Fast back-and-forth turns days of messaging into minutes.
Set reminders to message, follow up and confirm dates.
A predictive keyboard saves time on phrases you use often.

Play by the rules

Sites limit how many messages you can send per day and how many identical ones, and may ban sexual content. Stay within the limits and keep things tasteful, or you'll get blocked.

Rejection

You'll be ignored a lot. Expect it, don't take it personally, and keep going. A bad day of messaging means nothing. Any one of those conversations could become a fling or a girlfriend.

Photos

Your photos, and your profile, should show as many of these as possible:

Cool: relaxed, sociable, good style.
Fun: with friends, at parties, gigs, doing things. No dull selfies.
Attractive: grooming, fit, well dressed.
Success (optional): a sharp suit, a great setting. A good alternative if "sexy" isn't your strength.

Hit three of these and you'll beat most men online.

How to judge photos: don't trust rating apps. Small samples and people rating at random make them unreliable. Make sure your main photo works as a small thumbnail. The best test is real results: swap photos and compare the response.