Success Story 1

Lessons from a man who spent two years immersed in pick-up, or what he came to call "charisma training". In that time he did a 1,000-approach challenge and repeated 30-day club challenges, coached students, learned magic (and played his first paid gig), took up photography, ran meet-up groups, sang on stage, took dance lessons and even outsourced his online dating. Looking back, this is what he wishes he'd known at the start.

1. It's all about value

Adding value, showing value, recognising your own value and others', and understanding what other people value. That one sentence sums it all up; simple, but not easy. In every interaction, ask how you can make it a good memory for the other person. Routines and approaches are just ways of saying "I'm worth your time."

2. Embrace failure

As marketer Seth Godin points out, the winners are the ones with the most data points, because they can lose a round and step straight back in. The more you can fail and stay open, the more you grow. If every failure hurts, you'll never see the patterns objectively.

3. Don't depend on outcomes

Goals like "get X numbers" put your success in other people's hands. Goals like "make X approaches, go to X events" are fully in yours, and you can be proud of meeting them. A line he used to text himself when discouraged: "Do you want the girl, or do you want the skill?" Learn the skill; the right girl comes with it.

4. Stick to one program

Magicians advise mastering one trick rather than knowing five badly. Jumping between programs leads to paralysis, and they all say the same thing anyway: go out and practise. He'd have been happy with any one of Mark Manson's Models, the Mystery Method, or Ross Jeffries, if he'd just committed. Reading more without acting is just procrastination.

5. Choose your people

Taking on students kept him accountable and pushed him to practise more. Discouragement usually came from people unhappy with their own direction. He lost some long-time friends along the way and found life smoother for it. Surround yourself with people who are growing.

See also

• Introduction to Seduction
• Guide to Confidence
• 10 Reasons Rejections Actually Lead to Deeper Connections
• Talk to Everyone

Summary of a post originally shared on Reddit's r/seduction (2014).