How to Change the Way You Process Negative Memories

Memories aren't fixed recordings. They shift every time we recall them. That flexibility can be used to reinterpret painful memories in healthier ways.

Memories change when recalled

A 2014 Northwestern University study (Bridge & Paller, The Journal of Neuroscience) had people learn where 180 objects sat on a grid. The next day they placed the objects from memory, and on the third day did it again. On day three, people put objects closer to where they'd placed them on day two than to the correct spot. We tend to remember our last recollection of an event more than the event itself. Lead researcher Donna Bridge compared it to the "telephone game": each retelling drifts a little further from the original. New surroundings, moods and information blend into the memory.

Reinterpret, don't rewrite

The goal isn't to pretend facts are different, but to change how you understand and feel about what happened. It's never too late to see a painful event in a healthier light.

Techniques

Recall it while in a good mood. It can feel smaller and less defining.
Talk it through with a supportive friend who can offer a new perspective.
Look for the humour in it, if there is any.
Reflect somewhere new and calming, like a beach or park, to help find closure.
Turn it into art: writing, music, drawing. It transforms the experience into something creative.
Zoom out. Your life holds countless experiences; no single one defines you.
Stop ruminating. Replaying it over and over makes it feel worse.
Write about what you learned and how it made you stronger.

Memories change when recalled

Reinterpret, don't rewrite

Techniques

See also