Concrete Manipulation Techniques

A list of influence and persuasion tactics, many drawn from classic books like How to Win Friends and Influence People and The 48 Laws of Power. It's useful to know them both to persuade and to spot when they're being used on you.

Signs you're being played

Someone keeps insisting how much their offer will benefit you. A good deal rarely needs that much selling.
If you doubt someone's story, listen to them tell it twice and look for inconsistencies.

Building attachment (intermittent reinforcement)

Work out what a person values: money, praise, attention, affection. Reinforcement only works on something they want.
Be a little unpredictable. Constant rewards get taken for granted; constant withholding drives people away. A mix keeps people engaged.

Being likeable

Smile at the right moments, not constantly. A permanent smile looks fake.
Subtle flattery: tell people something they said helped you. Ask how they got into their line of work, and actually listen.

The "I don't need you" frame

Act from abundance. It's hard to convince anyone you need them less than they need you if your life is visibly lacking.
Use silence. Ask a direct question, hold eye contact, and wait.
Appearing not to need someone usually works, though some people like helping those who do need them.

Avoiding pointless conflict

Stay humble. It keeps expectations reasonable and avoids making enemies.
If someone takes a dig at you, "You're probably right" takes the wind out of it.

Reading real motives

Ask a very direct question while holding eye contact. The face in the first few seconds before they compose themselves tells you a lot.
When someone gives a reason for saying no, ask "Any other reason besides that?" The second answer is usually the real one.

Persuasion basics

Who says it matters more than what is said. If someone doesn't like you, logic won't persuade them. Build the relationship first, or walk away. The same applies to attraction.
Rule 1: sell yourself before you sell your ideas.
Rule 2: skip arguments that don't affect your health, money, mind or loved ones. Follow both rules and you'll win most arguments, because you'll only have the ones that matter, with people who respect you.

Handling disagreement

Find genuine common ground and emphasise it.
Listen fully to objections, both to find the real issue and to show you care.
Acknowledge their feelings without conceding the point: "I can see why you'd feel that way. I've felt the same." Avoid "yes, but…"
Point out what you agree on and appeal to shared values.
Then make your case clearly.
Let them save face throughout. Concede small points.

Closing

When they're wavering: sum up your case in a sentence, ask for what you want, then stay quiet and let them answer. If needed, confidently assume the yes and move forward. As a last resort, people they trust speaking well of you can tip the balance.

Dealing with setbacks

Decide what you want and commit to it.
Picture the worst outcome, accept it, then do everything you can to avoid it.
Learn something from every defeat.

A note on favours

Big favours can breed resentment rather than gratitude, because people dislike feeling indebted. Help in proportion, and don't expect a favour to buy loyalty.