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Being Special Isn’t So Special

From Alpha Up Wiki

Mark Manson on why, despite rising living standards, people in wealthy countries are no happier, and why the constant pressure to be exceptional is part of the problem.

The paradox

Over the last 50 years, living standards in the West have risen dramatically, yet happiness has stayed flat while anxiety, depression and narcissism have risen.

Why

  • Marketing runs on fear. Make people feel inadequate and they buy things to feel better. A system that markets to everyone all the time creates a society that constantly feels not good enough.
  • It's not that poorer societies are "happier". Travellers often say this. Manson argues they're less anxious: more family- and community-centred, more accepting, because they have to be. That's what wealthy societies traded for their abundance.
  • Status anxiety. Philosopher Alain de Botton (Status Anxiety) notes that in rigid, pre-modern societies people knew their place and didn't blame themselves for it. In a meritocracy, if you fail, it's your fault. The more opportunity you have, the more you fear wasting it: better grades, better job, better partner, cooler hobbies, more friends. Being content starts to feel like giving up.
  • The internet multiplies the Joneses. "Keeping up with the Joneses" used to mean the neighbours. Now there are millions of people to compare yourself with, constantly. By making information freely available, the internet has also made inadequacy freely available.

The cult of being exceptional

The "lifestyle design" movement (quit your job, follow your passion, build a personal brand) gets promoted online as if it cures everything, often by people still figuring out how to pay their bills. Manson notes that most people who actually live that way tend to stop talking about it. Some people thrive on risk and novelty; others thrive on routine. If everyone tried to be special, the world would stop working. And every day the news asks, implicitly, "what have you done lately?"

The point

  • If you can't find pleasure in simple, ordinary things, you won't find it anywhere.
  • Wherever you go, there you are. Being special won't stop you feeling lonely or frustrated.
  • Attention and glory aren't wrong, but they shouldn't drive your life.
  • Slow down. Breathe. You don't have to prove anything to anybody, including yourself.

See also

Summary of an essay by Mark Manson (markmanson.net).

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