Narcissism: The Nuance Between Ego & Confidence
Ego and confidence look the same from the outside but come from very different places. This page explains the difference and why "fake it till you make it" can backfire.
Confidence
Real confidence is a steady, internal belief that you're good at something or deserve something. It doesn't need an audience. Because it doesn't need proving, it leaves room for humility.
Ego
Ego is the outward show of confidence. Sometimes it really does come from confidence (someone who has made it and is a bit drunk on it). Often, though, it's put on in order to become confident: a performance meant to impress or intimidate. You usually can't tell which is which at a glance. It takes time and observation.
Too much ego backfires. It looks like trying too hard, and people wonder why someone so great keeps having to say so.
The trap of "fake it till you make it"
Faking it makes you dependent on other people buying the act. Your self-belief only lasts while others keep validating the image, so your strength comes from them rather than from you. The author calls this a needy, dysfunctional kind of narcissism, and the opposite of outcome independence and abundance.
He sees it as common: an inflated, entitled front with low self-esteem underneath. The praise the act earns can slowly repair real self-esteem, so it isn't useless, but it creates a constant need for fresh validation. He suggests that's a big part of why social media is so compelling. Often it starts in families where validation was missing, so people look for it from strangers.
Narcissism
Narcissists can be truly confident or merely egotistical. Most are needy and depend on outside approval; a few have a sense of superiority that really is internal. The puzzle the author keeps coming back to is how someone so damaged inside can look so strong outside.
Takeaway
Build confidence through real self-investment and achievement until you don't need anyone to confirm it, rather than borrowing it from other people's reactions.
See also
Summary of a post by the author of the Illimitable Men blog (2015).