5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Try to “Build Attraction” Over Text

The argument: texting is for setting up dates, not for building attraction. Whatever you'd say in a clever text, say it in person, where it actually counts.

Five reasons

1. You'll overanalyse everything

If you're not already confident with women, every short reply ("not much") turns into an hour of decoding and drafting the "perfect" funny response. Texting amplifies insecurity. Use it to make plans, and work on your confidence offline (see Guide to Confidence).

2. Constant texters are often bored, or boring

Someone glued to their phone while life goes on around them is either bored with where she is, which is your chance to offer something better (you, in person), or not very interesting. Either way, the move is to act in real life, not to type more. The author's month in Cambodia with no phone produced far better stories than any status update.

3. Good texting comes from good chemistry in person

When a woman is texting you a lot, it's not because she loves texting. It's because she likes you, from when you met. Her texts are really attempts to get together. So answer with a plan ("Meet me at [place] at 8"), not flirty filler.

4. Texting is a poor gauge of interest

No body language, no tone, just frequency. Someone with no romantic interest might happily chat by text when bored but never agree to meet. If you feel the need to "test the water" by text, the honest answer is usually no. Confident men find out by asking her out, then flirting and connecting in person. See The Brad Pitt Rule.

5. Even perfect texting doesn't build physical connection

The best text game in the world only makes her think slightly better of you. You still have to meet, build comfort and connect physically, and 20 minutes face to face does more than two hours of texting.

The one exception

With someone you're already seeing, who's clearly into you and enjoys a flirty or adventurous side, suggestive texts can build anticipation for the next time you meet. But that only works because of what's already happening in person, and you still have to deliver when you meet.

The alternative

Put the phone down. Say your best lines in person, dress well, and make plans.