10 Life Lessons to Excel in Your 30s

When Mark Manson turned 30, he asked readers aged 37 and over what they'd tell their 30-year-old selves. More than 600 people replied, and the same handful of lessons came up again and again. These are the ten most common, in summary.

1. Start saving for retirement now

Almost every reply mentioned money:

Pay off all debt as fast as you can. One reader's red flag: debt above 10% of your annual income.
Build an emergency fund. Many had been wiped out by illness, divorce, lawsuits or bad deals.
Put part of every paycheque into retirement savings.
Don't overspend, don't stretch for a house, and don't invest in what you don't understand.

Several readers in their late 50s and 60s were still living paycheque to paycheque because they hadn't saved. One woman on low wages with two kids saved a little every year anyway, and in her 50s was finally secure. It's always possible.

2. Look after your health now

Your body doesn't suddenly break down at some age; it's been wearing down all along without you noticing. The replies came from people who'd survived cancer, heart attacks and strokes, or lived with diabetes and chronic pain, all saying the same thing: eat well, exercise, and don't stop.

3. Drop people who don't treat you well

Learn to say no to people and obligations that add nothing. Don't tolerate mistreatment for money, convenience or the kids' sake. Spend time with people who bring out your best. As one reader put it, self-interest and selfishness aren't the same thing.

4. Be good to the people you keep

Show up for the people who matter. Time is the one thing you can't get back. Your 30s are often when hard things start happening to people you love (loss, divorce, illness), so be someone others can count on.

5. You can't have everything, so focus

Life is trade-offs. Do a few things really well rather than many things half-heartedly. Identify your natural strengths and build your life around them.

6. It's not too late to take risks

"Most of my regrets are things I didn't do." Many readers changed careers in their 30s and were glad they did. The worst regrets came from staying in something you know is wrong. Everyone is winging it; don't let "you should have it figured out by 30" stop you.

7. Keep growing

Most people stop learning in their 20s and are "too busy" in their 30s. Those who keep educating themselves (going back to school, taking courses, therapy, meditation, starting businesses) pull far ahead by 40. Warren Buffett calls investing in your own mind the best investment you can make.

8. Nobody knows what they're doing, still

You can't predict your life five years out. Stop trying to control it all. Most of what feels important now won't in ten years. Be kind to yourself through the sad times, too.

9. Invest in family

Rebuild your relationship with your parents as an adult. You're too old to blame them now.
On children, most said don't wait for the "right time"; it never comes, and they make you better.
Marriage was worth it, with the right person.
Several single readers in their 40s regretted trading relationships for endless partying, though a few happily single, childless readers stressed that it isn't for everyone.

10. Be kind to yourself

Do something for yourself every day, something different every month, and something spectacular every year. Don't sweat the small stuff. Ask whether it will matter in five years. One reader's father summed up the decades: in your 20s you think you know what's going on, in your 30s you realise you don't, and in your 40s you relax and accept it.