OK Cupid Profile

Hi guys. I haven't been around this world in a long time, but I used to be something of a regular. Got out of a 2 year relationship six months ago and now I'm mostly focused on working on my career, fitness, life goals, etc... which were all very important (more important) things I neglected when I was just studying cold approach guides and trying to lose my virginity. However, I'm trying to get on OKCupid and Tinder and hopefully do some casual dating/FWB/short term relationships.

I dusted off my old profiles which I had the foresight to save, added some current stuff, and I think it's pretty good. The problem is, I've seen it too many times so it comes to the point where I don't know if my jokes are funny and my text is good, or if it all just sounds lame.

I am trying to polarize so I'm sure my profile will turn off some girls, but hopefully the girls I am after will like it better.

I'm trying to show my sense of humor without saying "I have a good sense of humor."

I'm trying to show that I'm intellectual and philosophical and I want to attract that type of girl.

I'm trying to have some things be a bit controversial, to convey non-neediness, but obviously don't want to go too far.

I'm trying to show ambition and a lifelong commitment to improving myself.

I'm trying to balance "regular" talk with the goofy stuff to show I am a normal guy underneath the absurdity.

I'm trying to add a bit of sexuality with out going too far because obviously online you have to watch that stuff.

Here is the current version of my profile. Let me know how I do at accomplishing these goals.

My self-summary

I'm a carbon-based life form, born on the planet Sol III. My primary needs are physiological, such as food, sleep, and sexual gratification, but once those requirements are satisfied, my interests get more complex, as I progressively desire security, friendship/intimacy, achievement, and creativity.

What I’m doing with my life

I'm an intellectually starved accountant, making plans to leave the biz. In about a year, I plan on heading out to travel the world full time for 6-12 months. Then, I'll come back and head to grad school for urban planning or public administration. Until then, I'm kicking it, working hard to pay off all those natty lights I drank in college.

I’m really good at

As a bipedal organism, I have the ability to maneuver myself around the local terrain with the two posterior limbs while simultaneously manipulating tools and other objects with my anterior limbs. This is relatively rare here on Sol III, so it has the tendency to turn heads.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Recently, I've been reading a little bit of the Ancient Roman Stoics, who I think came closer to the ideal life philosophy than anything else I've ever seen. I've also been reading some political biographies, including badass mofo Theodore Roosevelt, who as a teenager lifted weights and boxed until his asthma went away.

As far as fiction, I like ethical dilemmas with no easy answer, such as the good of many vs. good of a few, do the ends justify the means, etc. Some all time faves are Star Wars, Watchmen, Breaking Bad, Star Trek, The Godfather, The Lion King, and The Sopranos. I like to tell people that Indiana Jones is my role model and life inspiration, which is kind of a joke but also kind of true. As far as comedy, I like Seinfeld, South Park, and Always Sunny.

I'm not cutting edge at all.... I usually wait until the masses universally proclaim something to be the greatest art of a generation before considering it, which has generally worked out.

The six things I could never do without

1. oxygen (the tv channel, not the air)
2. questioning absolutely everything
3. maps
4. listening to that really old voicemail from my ex girlfriend, just to hear her voice
5. nine way tie: drinking, smoking, gambling, brawling, womanizing, credit card debt, strip clubs, anabolic steroids, and tomato sauce.
6. discussing the proper role of government in providing for social and economic welfare

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Strategies for obtaining optimal life satisfaction.

What optimal life satisfaction would consist of.

How every single match question on here should have "it depends" as an option.

What I should have said when I was talking to that person yesterday.

On a typical Friday night I am

engaging in standard mammalian social/mating rituals.

You should message me if

you read books

you have a good taste in pizza

you're curious about the aforementioned mammalian mating rituals

I also have an "alternate" self summary that plays up online dating cliches. Let me know what you think is better.

My self-summary

My top 3 unique traits:

1. I'm different
2. I'm out of the ordinary
3. My unique-ness

I'm not laid back at all and I have a terrible sense of humor. I don't just go with the flow. I love to play games and i love drama. I don't know why they're is a difference between their, there, and they're... their all similar sounding, so why should I worry about there spelling? I'm not very shy at first, but once you get to know me, I just stop talking.