Indicators of Interest

Indicator of Interest #1: Physical Proximity

I’m sure you’ve heard the term "magnetic looks" or "magnetic personality."  Magnetic in this case as used as a synonym for "attraction," but it applies literally as well.  Is her body language indicating she’s attracted to you, or repelled?  Is she moving herself closer to you?  Is she leaning in to you when you’re talking?  Does she mirror your movements, such as taking a sip of her drink when you do?

If you see these patterns, even by a small amount that may seem incidental, it is usually a sign of interest.  Generally, the more obvious the maneuver, the stronger the interest.

Indicator of Interest #2: Receptiveness to Touch

The reason why physical proximity is important is because closing the distance will eventually lead to touch.  And a woman’s reaction when this contact happens, even if it’s incidental and not remotely sexual, can be a very key indicator of interest.

As a general rule, the more receptive she is to any kind of touch, the more interested she is.  I often suggest "intentional accidental" contact as a way to test a woman’s interest.  If your hand accidentally brushes hers, does she respond positively or does she flinch?  If it’s the former, you can take that as a good indicator of interest.

Indicator of Interest #3: Eye Contact

Eye contact usually means a deliberate attempt to give you attention, and we live in an "attention economy" more than ever.  If she’s making eye contact, that means she’s choosing to spend that "currency" of attention on you.  She’s interested enough in you to make an effort to pay attention to what you’re doing and what you’re saying.  Conversely, if a woman is paying more attention to her phone and looking through the latest selfies her friends posted on Instagram, this is probably not someone who is interested in you.

Indicator of Interest #4: Playing With Her Hair

Playing with hair is often considered an IOI.  However, I have found a more accurate indicator of interest is how women modify their hair playing. Most women play with their hair, so a woman playing with her hair is not an incredibly useful indicator on its own.

What is useful is paying attention to increases in "hair playing". A noticeable increase in overall "hair playing" and in particular consistent hair playing associated with eye contact during conversation is a good sign.

Indicator of Interest #5: Talkativeness

If you notice an increase in how talkative a woman is with you, that is a sign of interest.  Note I specifically mention an increase in talkativeness.  Just like playing with her hair, the key is in the difference, not the absolutes.

Some women are just very chatty, so how talkative a woman is with you is not a great indicator on it’s own.  This is why some guys end up in the friend zone without realizing it; a woman with a naturally friendly or talkative demeanor does not mean much on its own.  But if she becomes friendly and talkative, you can take it as a sign this woman is interested in you.

Indicator of Interest #6: Receptive to Prolonging the Interaction

This is essentially the "logistical" version of IOI #1.  If she’s interested, she won’t just want to be in your immediate physical proximity, but also in your future proximity as well.  In other words, she’s open to "prolonging the interaction," such as going with you to the bar to grab another drink, or suggesting to go to another venue. Any action, whether initiated by you or by her that will prolong your time together is a strong indicator of interest.

Focus on the "Delta"

While all these IOIs may seem straightforward or even obvious, I still think they get tremendously overlooked.  This is because most guys are focused on the absolute behavior and not the delta, or the difference in behavior.  Have you ever said anything like the following?

• "She was all over me on the dance floor, but then she just left with her friends!"
• "Yeah, she was talking to me for like an hour, but then when I asked for her number she said she had a boyfriend."
• "She kept going on about loving 80s music, but then I asked if she wanted to see this 80s cover band next weekend and she blew me off."

If you did, this is because you weren’t focusing on the delta.  The girl may have been all over you on the dance floor, or very talkative at the bar, but if this is her baseline behavior, then it’s meaningless.  The strongest IOIs are the ones where the woman has a deliberate change in behavior in your presence.

So if you see a girl lamely dancing with her friends, but enthusiastically dances with you, that’s a great IOI and much stronger than one being "all over you on the dance floor."

Example IOIs

• Her body is oriented to you, despite other people being around. If her feet are pointed right at you, despite other reasonable options, that’s a very good sign.
• She touches you while talking (even as little as a hand on your arm). This is a very big giveaway.
• She grooms herself casually – smoothing her hair, adjusting her blouse, re-applying lipstick, etc. Playing with jewelry counts, as well.
• She holds eye contact with a soft smile.
• She breaks brief eye contact by looking down. (This is a very powerful one, but only if you don’t look away yourself. It might be the biggest pre-approach IOI.)
• She leans into you or brushes against you. A girl knows when she “accidentally” brushes her breasts against you when walking past you. She doesn’t do it with everyone.
• Her body language to you is open (shoulder’s back, arms uncrossed).
• She perks up – improves her posture, maybe thrusts her chest forward – when you pay attention to her.
• She leans towards you, or enters your personal space.
• She exposes (perhaps “accidentally”) additional skin while you’re looking – letting her dress fall of her shoulder, or showing you flashes of “soft” skin like her neck, underarms, or the inside of her wrist.
• She caresses herself, sliding a hand along her own neck or collarbone. (This is a very powerful one. It tells you something about where her mind is – she wants you to be caressing her).
• She mirrors you. This is a very powerful IOI, which we’ll discuss more when we talk about comfort. But when you find a woman subconsciously mirroring your posture (holding her arms in the same way, making similar gestures, or drinking when you drink) it’s a strong sign she’s feeling powerful emotions towards you.
• She plays with a straw or toothpick in her mouth while looking at you or talking to you.