Shit Tests 101
The issue of what's popularly referred to as "shit tests", aka fitness tests, comes up often enough I've decided to write up a post so we can put this issue to rest for a while.
When it comes right down to it shit tests are typically women's way of flirting. Women generally do not shit test men they have no interest in, so if you're getting them then it's often a good thing. Let's look at what shit rests actually are:
Rapport breaks are a type of flirting where women throw you a faux indicator of disinterest to see how you handle it. If you respond in kind then you pass. In essence it is a form of mirroring each other's level of investment, or as they say, like attracts like.
So why are rapport breaks a form of flirting? The main reason is that it gives women a degree of emotional stimulation. Plus there's the fact that most men buckle to women's shit tests and don't respond in kind. This demonstrates a lack of social acumen and emotional maturity. Those who "pass" show they can handle the woman's BS and is "on her level", so to speak. This is where the evolutionary theory comes into play: you're demonstrating her faux negativity doesn't phase you and that you're an emotionally developed person who isn't going to melt down at the first sign of trouble. Ergo you'll be able to protect her when threats to her safety emerge.
In short, when women bust on you (could be a shit test or otherwise) you should reply in kind. When it comes right down to it this is the core essence of flirting.
My go-to advice for how to deal with shit tests are as follows:
- Agree & amplify (to absurdity)
- Change the subject
- Ignore her shit test completely
- Pressure Flip
- The Nuclear Option (reserved for women who aren't flirting and are giving shit tests because they're deliberately trying to tool you, or worse)
- Command respect
Note: Every single one of these is a form of rapport break.
Agree & amplify is usually the preferred method because they're often fun (read: stimulating) and non-reactionary. In my experience you'll get better mileage out A&A as well as it's less likely to blow up in your face/have a negative outcome than the other methods since context does still matter and the others are easier to misapply.
Changing the subject is pretty self-explainatory, as is ignoring her shit test.
Pressure flip is the idea is you're not phased by the question and answer so quickly that now the spotlight is on her, all because you're flipping the script with haste. For example:
Shit test: What kind of car do you drive?
Pressure flip: "Nameofcarhowaboutyou?"
The "Nuclear Option" is when you destroy their self-worth with the notion you do not find them sexually appealing in any way whatsoever. For attractive women this is in all likelihood the worst hit you can inflict on a woman's ego. Anyone that's broken up with a hottie because her personality is shit knows exactly what I'm talking about. In other words you're nuking their ego/self-esteem from orbit. I strongly recommend reserving this option only for women who are on the offensive and deliberately trying to be a bitch for whatever reason and/or tear you down in front of others.
Commanding respect is especially important for the kind of testing where they're just being an annoyance and generally disrespectful. IMO disrespect should not be tolerated and needs to be nipped in the bud, and is an important way to maintain frame control. You simply need to be firm and treat her like a father would to their child who's being disrespectful. You don't get angry, you just call her on the behavior and let her know clearly that you won't stand for it. In a way this is almost a type of pressure flip. You're taking her negative energy and sliding past it and putting the onus on her to react by changing her approach to the topic. For example:
Her: Nag nag nag.
You: That is disrespectful and I will not tolerate it.
If you haven't read the sidebar material, particularly the Year One posts at The Rational Male, make that your next stop. I strongly recommend reading the writings on Frame Control, of which shit tests are a part of.
The book The Way of the Superior Male explains Shit Tests in a different way but the response is the same:
The most erotic moment for a woman is feeling that you are Shiva, the divine masculine: imperturbable, totally loving, fully present, and all-pervading. She cannot move you, because you already are what you are, with or without her. She cannot scare you away, because you already penetrate her in fearless love, pervading her heart and body. She cannot distract you, because your one-pointed commitment to truth will not bend to her wiles.
Feeling this hugeness of love and freedom in you, she can trust you, utterly, and surrender her testing in celebration of love. Until she wants to feel you as Shiva again. And then the testing will begin anewanew.
In fact, it is precisely when you are most Shiva-like that she will most test you. Perhaps you have been working toward some financial goal, and finally you have succeeded. After months or years of effort, you have creatively earned a large amount of money. You feel happy, full, and successful. You feel great. You come home to your woman and want to share the news with her.
"I just made a million dollars today." "That's nice." "That's nice!!?? You know how hard I've been working for this." "I know. It feels like I haven't seen you in months. Did you remember to pick up the milk on the way home?" "Oh, sorry" I forgot. But who cares? We could buy a dairy farm now?" "I asked you to pick up the milk three times this morning, and I put a note on your briefcase. How could you forget?" "I said I'm sorry. Look, I'll go get the damn milk..." Why is she being this way? Because she simply wants to deflate your success? No.
She is challenging you because your success doesn't mean **** to her, unless you are free and loving. And if you are free and loving, nothing she says can collapse you. She wants to feel you are uncollapsable, so she pokes you in your weak spot. Of course she knows how much this moment of success means to you. This is precisely why she is negating it. Not because she wants to hurt you. But because she wants to feel Shiva. She wants to feel your strength. She wants to feel that your happiness is not dependent on her response, nor on you making a million dollars. She wants to feel you are a superior man."
Of course the answer is agree and amplify, ignore the test, and change the topic! Grab her in your arms, pin her to the couch and say: "You want cream, I will get you some cream."