View source for Narcissism: The Nuance Between Ego & Confidence

So I have essentially what is probably one of the most overdue pieces of writing to still not be released in the manosphere. My '''[http://illimitablemen.com/power dark triad'''] piece on narcissism. Now I'm still not releasing that shit because I've got a lot on, HOWEVER I do want to share some of my insights surrounding narcissism and stimulate some discussion. What's written her is profound enough to probably end up making the final piece in some form or another when it finally does see the light of day.

Ego and confidence aren't really the same thing. Ego is a manifestation of confidence, it is the "way of behaving" that is oft symptomatic of confidence. They look similar, but there is nuance. At a glance, you can't tell the difference between the two but internally the differences are huge. That's why you can't see 'em, because the distinction cannot be made without psychological knowledge of a person. Only enough continued exposure to a person along with some analytical ability is going to allow you to deduce whether they are truly confident, or just faking it all with baseless ego.

You see a lot of ego is not coming from confidence, it's actually fake, and rather be the symptom of confidence (as we assume ego always is) it's actually being fabricated by said person as a way to "become confident." It's put out there to impress/intimidate others in order to help the person exuding the ego build confidence. That's the "fake it till you make it" mantra in action. Whilst confidence on the other hand is raw, it is an unwavering sense of self-belief, determination and conviction that you are good at X or worthy of Y. Confidence allows for humility, confidence allows one to be comfortable with one's self in the absence of external validation. Ego gets you noticed, but it can be unattractive, especially if you overdo it. In fact, too much ego turns people off to you. I see semi-successful people make this mistake all the time. Ego can seem "try hard." It can make people think "if you're that great, why do you need to keep telling everybody, it should be immediately obvious if it's true." That's where the humility of legitimate confidence is useful.

Ego and confidence are kind of like a chicken and the egg thing. Are you egotistical because you made it and believe you're the shit, or do you delude yourself you're the shit so you can seem egotistical and therefore people perceive you as confident? It's fake it till you make it vs. I made it but I'm drunk on my own power and I don't make an effort to exercise humility.

The problem with "fake it till you make it" is you become dependent on other people "noticing your fabrication and validating you for it" to actually believe in yourself. So you draw your strength from others, rather than yourself. It's a kind of dysfunctional narcissism. It's vain and it's needy. Rather than actually believe you are inherently superior, you only temporarily believe you are superior as long as others are feeding into the delusion you present to the world. I believe a lot of people are doing this shit, instead of self-investing and becoming so powerful that they feel/become superior, they instead try to hustle everyone around them with superficial charm and bullshit persona. Then when people get impressed "by their swag" or whatever you wanna call that BS, they validate the person. This shit is ridiculously common with millennials, but then millennial parents were shit and really kicked off generation feminism, so it makes sense.

I notice this a lot. Especially with women. They're egotistical as fuck (entitled/act self-important) but there's low self-esteem bubbling just beneath that. It seems counter-intuitive as fuck, but there is a logic. That kind of baseless ego is a band aid for someone who feels like they ain't worth shit. You can't be a fucking loser and honestly respect yourself. You won't think you're the shit if you don't do things that add value to your life. Most women are losers, they be faking their ego for appearance's sake. They just put on a show that "they're the shit." They delude themselves just enough to convince others "that they're cool" and then they feed off that praise and validation.

That validation slowly helps them rebuild their "actual self-esteem." By pretending to have high self-esteem and making the world think they're high status, they get the praise/recognition such a person gets (when they don't feel they deserve it BUT WANT TO feel it) and that in turns allows them to harvest the compliments/recognition from those around them to HEAL their actual self-esteem/damaged inside. It's a deceptive healing process, AND IT CAN BE HELPFUL. But it leads to a dependence on external validation, as in, you become incapable of validating yourself, you always need new people to prop up your narcissistic supply. '''[http://illimitablemen.com/2014/03/30/mental-models-abundance-vs-scarcity/ It's the opposite of outcome independence/abundance mentality.'''] I believe that's why social media is as prevalent and popular as it is today. Particularly with women who are herd based as it is, but as disconnected as the masses of men are becoming from society, I see them emulating this too. 

I guess when your family is fucked up instead of getting your validation from them, you'll look to strangers. Narcissism is not the same thing as confidence, although narcissists can be confident OR egotistical, it depends on the narc in question. Most narcs are needy, there are a few who actually have a superiority complex that is based on the internal rather than dependent on external approval.

Anyway I have more nuance to flesh out and expound upon with these thoughts. This block of text here is by no means "complete" or "100% correct" so feel free to share your thoughts, undermine some shit, give another angle or whatever. I likewise have a few things to reconcile (because the topic area is intricate, quite deep, and there are numerous possibilities) but alas it should give you some food for thought. In fact the head fuck with narcissism is it can manifest in many different ways and they can seem quite counterintuitive/paradoxical. How can someone so damaged/internally wrecked seem so externally strong is a prevailing theme when exploring this topic.